Thursday, December 27, 2007

How I learned to stop 'stressing' about arguments with my son

Until recently, I worried a lot about coming home and finding my son sitting in front of his computer. This is where I usually find him, and the reason I worried was because we would almost always get into a fight about it. I started to anticipate the arguments, and so I didn't even want to go home!

When I realized this was what I was doing, I started to observe how I felt when it was time to go home. I paid attention to the things I said to myself. I paid attention to the ways I was creating distractions and finding excuses to stay away from my house. I was amazed at how talented I had become at this skill.

Then I started to talk with people close to me about my worry. I did a lot of brainstorming about how to address the problem(s) at different levels. There is the problem of me avoiding dealing with the problem. There is the problem of fighting over the problem. There is the problem of him sitting there!

Talking about each part of the situation calmly with people who offer me some perspective helps me to let go of the worry, anxiety and fear of coming home to a young man wasting his days gaming instead of moving forward with his life. I remind myself that I can only control my actions/reactions and not those of another person. I make sure to do my meditation each day. I do as many things as I can to improve my physical and therefore my mental health. All of these actions have greatly reduced my anxiety levels and let me stop stressing about and start dealing with a difficult situation.

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